river_rampant_with_putrid_poisoning [Scoop!]

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====== River Rampant with Putrid Poisoning ======

Following the recent dismal catch at the Annual New Glabe Fishing Competition certain
intrepid reporters of the New Glabe Gazette have spent the past week exhaustively combing
and investigating the Ailsa River for any sign of what foul criminal activity might have caused
this catastrophic reduction in ecologically-crucial fish species in the heart of our city. Though
the foetid mix of unnatural chemicals poisoning the Ailsa’s waters defied our very best
attempts at testing and identifying, rigorous and perceptive observations from the Gazette’s
finest journalists nonetheless clearly identified abnormal and disturbing algal growths
clogging and toxifying the sweet waters of our great river. The causes of this environmental
outrage are as of yet obscured but there is little doubt that corrupt forces are at work in the
shadows poisoning our city and its inhabitants, both human and wild. The Gazette’s
investigators are resoundingly committed to uncovering the source of this abhorrent crime
and bringing any and all perpetrators to justice in order that our river may flow clearly again.

Cutting-edge research by boffins at the Gazette has revealed that algal monstrosities such
as that consuming the Ailsa River fatally reduce oxygen levels in the water, causing
vulnerable fish species to suffocate in a veritable massacre of innocent animal life. This in
turn has spiralling side effects in damaging fragile ecosystems across our nation and indeed
the wider world. The ocean environment, into which the Ailsa directly flows, is particularly at
risk from the poisonous chemicals it is being so treacherously laced with. Marine life is
already at risk globally from outrageous and criminal overfishing which is robbing our seas of
their inhabitants, so that whales, sharks, turtles, and numerous other treasured species are
at risk of extinction in impending underwater armageddon. The poisoning of the Ailsa is only
adding fuel to an already fiercely-burning fire. It is our duty as human beings of conscience
and principle to fight tooth and nail to protect this planet we love so dearly and its incredible
and beautiful inhabitants, marine, terrestrial, under the ground and in the air. The Ailsa is
merely the front line in a much wider conflict, merely one battle in a much longer war.

//By Captain Bartholomew Flounder//