Continuing this Week: New Hire Onboarding Sessions. We are very pleased to be sufficiently staffed so as to offer multiple timing options for this week's onboarding. Please use the new online appointment-booking tool to select the most convenient modules for your schedule. My colleagues will be more than happy to assist you in using the booking system, should you require it.
Ongoing Focus Group: Writing-Up of Unwritten Employment Policies. Here at the Gazette, we pride ourselves on listening. Sometimes to our superiors, usually to our colleagues, and always to the dedicated heroes who form our focus groups for writing up the first complete edition of our policy-book. Heroes – the bards of the future will sing tales of your persistence in the face of cat-hairs in your complimentary coffees and the infinitesimal breadth of your complimentary pizza slices. Repeat this affirmation: you are very much appreciated!
Reimbursement for Sick Pay, Paid Leave, Unduly Docked Wages, &c. Now that the office systems are up and running, we can happily announce that the Gazette Official Reimbursificator™ (where “™” is to be construed as purely decorative in nature) is now live. Please submit any and all reports of unduly docked wages, which, subject to review, shall hopefully render your pockets discernibly heavier.
With ardent professionalism, and yet also a saucy wink,
from Human Resources ⋆˚✿˖°